Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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