This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
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I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
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I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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