the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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