I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize