I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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