Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i wish my penis had a tongue
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
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I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
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I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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