i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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