i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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