And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize