Texts From Last Night

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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.

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  (402): I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity. http://tfl.nu/6ok4
  Replies (17) Good night (2199) Bad night (562) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"

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  (847): I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it" http://tfl.nu/8m3i
  Replies (34) Good night (904) Bad night (3421) Order T-Shirt
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.

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  (816): I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book. http://tfl.nu/rwum
  Replies (44) Good night (702) Bad night (10272) Order T-Shirt
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?

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  (612): Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't? http://tfl.nu/pb2r
  Replies (66) Good night (5810) Bad night (908) Order T-Shirt
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.

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  (952): Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage. http://tfl.nu/guje
  Replies (15) Good night (862) Bad night (4050) Order T-Shirt
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara

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  (740): hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara http://tfl.nu/38gp
  Replies (14) Good night (624) Bad night (5214) Order T-Shirt
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!

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  (205): you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!! http://tfl.nu/1wys
  Replies (9) Good night (6086) Bad night (901)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.

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  (317): I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare. http://tfl.nu/t1bj
  Replies (12) Good night (4040) Bad night (863) Order T-Shirt
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.

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  (989): Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street. http://tfl.nu/pdx2
  Replies (9) Good night (2595) Bad night (766) Order T-Shirt
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.

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  (712): I just negotiated a blow job for an interview. http://tfl.nu/ow0d
  Replies (15) Good night (3677) Bad night (1191) Order T-Shirt
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door

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  (309): Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door http://tfl.nu/czgy
  Replies (8) Good night (1150) Bad night (3117) Order T-Shirt
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  (979): View more from Texas

  his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.

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  (979): his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible. http://tfl.nu/lobz
  Replies (15) Good night (3944) Bad night (985) Order T-Shirt
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."

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  (828): after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...." http://tfl.nu/7e08
  Replies (16) Good night (2983) Bad night (676) Order T-Shirt
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?

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  (815): I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today? http://tfl.nu/jgbm
  Replies (10) Good night (643) Bad night (1057) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.

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  (732): The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack. http://tfl.nu/qgyn
  Replies (3) Good night (357) Bad night (77) Order T-Shirt

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