she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize