Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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