You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Houston, we have a squirter
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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