holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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