Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
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He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
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Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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