Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize