I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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