I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize