Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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