Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
not ubering you a puppy
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