i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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