Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize