Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
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I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
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I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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