nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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