Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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