Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize