In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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