I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
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She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
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I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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