i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
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if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
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How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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