she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
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Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
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Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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