so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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