remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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