Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
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