I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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