i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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