what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
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last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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