last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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