i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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