He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
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I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
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Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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