You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize