what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
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im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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