well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize