bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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