Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
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He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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