in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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