they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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