Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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