My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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