Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize