Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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