Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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